A few weeks ago, I was given the opportunity to drive David and I through some pretty muddy trails on the quad. This would have been my first experience driving the quad outside of a backyard enclosure and I was honestly terrified that I’d flip the thing or lose control – I know, a bit dramatic, but I WAS worried!
Luckily, I breathed myself through the anxiety, told myself to get a grip, and actually had the best time splashing through massive puddles and feeling the back and forth rock as we went over big bumps (or small hills??).
Since then, I’ve gone on another ride only this time as the passenger.
Again, I was nervous… probably moreso than last time. It’s odd because I never thought this would make me uncomfortable, but my head was just spinning with everything that could go wrong:
- the quad could tip and trap my leg
- I could flip off the back going up a hill
- I could flip forward going down a hill
- The metal bit I was holding onto for dear life could come undone and I could go flying
…. honestly I sometimes wonder if I should make horror films as my brain tends to jump to these possibilities BEFORE the possibility of fun and exhilleration.
Again, thankfully, I managed to breathe myself through the anxiety and relaxed into.
Here’s what I learnt (some good parallels to life)
- I prefer being in the driver’s seat. I like the feeling of control and choosing which bump to attack, which to avoid
- If you relax into it, going over the bump doesn’t have such an impact
- It’s going to get muddy, you can either avoid the puddles and get dirty, or you can speed it up and blast through them enjoying the mess!
- Travel with someone who talks to you when you’re nervous, but helps push you outside of your comfort zone
- Sometimes it’s nice to let someone else take the wheel so you can explore your surroundings from a different perspective
- The road might be the same, but the seeing it in the dark makes it unknown territory
All in all I’d say it was a huge success! Though I haven’t grown used to it enough to no longer feel the butterflies building, but I’ve grown consistently stronger in my ability to control my anxiety and breathe through my dramatic and paranoid thoughts. Progress, not perfection !